Here are a sampling of the top MLB headlines on ESPN.com. This is the sort of news that isn't even important enough for the Assistant GM to notify the actual GM about, yet here it is -- taking up valuable space on the WWL's website.
• Mets deal pen to get OF Johnson from Padres
I thought this could be an interesting one, until I found out that Johnson is Ben Johnson, .250/4/12 fame last year. I hear that the buzz is actually good on Johnson, that Bruce Bochy should have had him in the Padres' postseason lineup last year, but he wasn't. And if you're not good enough for the Pads' postseason roster, you're not good enough for me.
• Phillies agree to two-year contract with 3B Helms
Yeah, Wes Helms! He's good enough to make it onto a fantasy roster in a 36-team NL-only league this year. Sleeper alert!
• Devil Rays obtain negotiating rights to Japanese slugger
You might be thinking, "I thought Boston won those rights?" And you'd be right in that Boston won the rights to the real Japanese star of the offseason. But not to be outdone, the Devil Rays emptied the wallet in an attempt to keep up with the Red Sox, paying $4.5M for Akinori Iwamura. So, by that logic, Matsuzaka is about 11x better than Iwamura.
• Backup Blanco returns to Cubs with two-year deal
A .225 career hitter with 49 home runs in 666 career games. It's obvious -- the Cubs are making a deal with the devil to end their championship drought. When Blanco wins the starting job and hits for .340 with 47 home runs this year, don't say I didn't warn you.