The Out Route

Obviously bitter at me and wielding a Napoleon complex, the kickers of the NFL took over in Week 1. At halftime in the Saints/Browns game, with a game featuring Drew Brees, Reggie Bush, Kellen Winslow, and Braylon Edwards, the entirety of the scoring belonged to John Carney. Seattle and Detroit put together a thrilling 9-6 snorefest. The Rams' 18 points were thanks entirely to Jeff Wilkins. And in the godforsaken Manning Bowl, it took almost a half before the first team put a touchdown on the board. It was all Adam Vinatieri, and another typical Jay Feely miss, that were the storylines. All said, kickers went a total of 46-59 so far this week, for a grand 78%, and a few kickers missed key field goals that could have cost their team a win. And you wonder why I want them abolished.

It was scary seeing Trent Green get stomped like that, luckily the prognosis isn't as bad as it appeared. Of course, maybe Trent should consider himself lucky -- it was the Bengals, after all. They could have pulled a gun on him and taken his car.

After one game, I was completely wrong about Chad Pennington. Well, almost completely. Pennington looked great for the most part, but almost ruined the game for the Jjjjjjjjjjjj-men when he fumbled the ball on the 1-yard line, allowing the Titans to tie the game with little left in the 4th. Still, he went deep at times and appeared to put some zip on the ball. The Jets might not be as bad as most think, although it was the Titans they were playing. I'm sticking with my 5-11 prediction. As for Vince Young's debut, it was a mixed bag. He made some nice throws, but predictably coughed it up to Andre Dyson on his first attempt deep, which appeared to be just a lob and a prayer. He'll get used to the NFL eventually. Or he won't. Then we'd call him "Michael Vick."

Welcome back to "No Mistake" Jake Plummer, who...uh....well let's just say that last year was an abberation. Three interceptions and a couple of fumbles. Remember, pundits -- one year does not a career make. Last year the Broncos put some polish on that turd, but Mr. Hanky reemerged yesterday. It's nice to have the old Jake back, for gambling purposes.

I was incredibly surprised to see Atlanta man-handle Carolina the way they did, although the Panthers' offense would have been much more explosive had Steve Smith played. Michael Vick looked not so bad, but I'd like to see how he follows this game. Something tells me a 55.6 quarterback rating is on the way in week 2. I'm just not ready to admit that this -- what is it...his 14th? -- is his breakthrough season.

Most hilarious thing I saw all week -- Haloti Ngata running an interception back on Tampa. God bless the big man, great hands and a good runback in his first NFL game. Only thing that would have made it better was if he busted out the Warren Sapp/Beyonce booty shake.

I actually enjoyed the NBC crew on Sunday -- I thought it was much better than ESPN's group. They still have some things to work on -- a few awkward silences, a bad echo on the sound that made it sound like they were in an empty warehouse, stepping over each other's lines, and way way too much volume on Sterling Sharpe's mic -- but they'll work those kinks out as time goes on. Chris Collinsworth is really underrated as a TV personality, and Bob Costas is leaps and bounds over just about everyone. I request more Peter King, way less Sterling Sharpe interrupting everyone and shouting. But this could work. I like the setup with the recliners and big-screen TV and all.

And Brett Favre. I've got no sympathy for you, Brett. You should have known it was going to go this way. You should have just retired. Really. That way I wouldn't have to hear everyone lionize you. You suck now, Brett. You suck. And your team sucks. You're ruining your name, you're ruining the years of great work you did, and you're slowly driving an entire state to suicide. Give it up.