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An Open Letter to Anyone Who Liked Talladega Nights

Fans of Talladega Nights,

There's something you must understand about Talladega Nights -- it's not funny.


I know you like Will Ferrell. I do too. He's pretty hilarious, on the whole. But claiming allegiance to a performer doesn't mean that he's infallible. And in this case Ferrell, Sascha Baron Cohen, John C. Reilly, Andy Richter, and Gary Cole all fall. Flat on their faces.

It's pretty obvious that Talladega Nights couldn't fail at the box office. NASCAR and Ferrell fans alike were going to flock to the theater to see it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the project was an actual movie instead of a 2 hour experiment in half-assed humor and blatant product placement. Honestly, what other topic would allow for such upfront marketing? By making a NASCAR movie, the filmmakers could feel good about all the logos eating up the screen because they're, you know, pertinent to the script. Whatever. Last night, before Little Miss Sunshine, a real movie, I bemoaned the use of commercials before the movie. It's bad enough I have to see digital cable commercials before I'm about to enjoy a film, but at least they managed to stop the product peddling when the previews were over. Didn't you question the use of an ACTUAL Applebee's commercial? Thank God the filmmakers were gracious enough to fit some jokes in between the sponsorbating. It's like the old saying goes -- I went to a commercial and a movie broke out.

Not to say those jokes were funny, because I think I've made it abundantly clear that I don't think that in the least. A couple of laughable moments aside, the script has a bunch of throwaway gags and mailed-in punchlines. It's an afront to real comedy -- it's stupid, except not in that clever way.

And I better not hear any of you motherfucking people tossing about quotes from the movie. I cannot say this enough: Memorizing lines from popular comedies and using them all the time, whether or not the lines are appropriate, doesn't make you funny. It means you've got a good memory. It's bad enough that perfectly great movies and TV shows have been ruined by overexposure, but when you're half-assed about your own sense of humor, and use jokes that were half-assed to begin with, you make me want to shoot you in the face. Seriously. Knock it off.

I think that's all I need to say. I'm beginning to feel an aneurysm.

Thanks for your time,


Puh-leez... Get off your soapbox already. It's one thing to bad mouth a decently funny movie and cry about how product plugs ate up lots of film time. However, you don't have to go around proselytizing about how movies and commercials should be distinct or how people shouldn't use lines from movies in everyday life.

Since you brought it up, I'll address your point. Quoting a movie is just as avalid as quoting a book or speaker. If the mood fits, quoting a movie can be a great way to get a point across.

Your gripe with commercials in film is short sighted. Commercials help the producers of film, TV, and Radio pay for the films you see. Obviously they make money off of the advertising they sell, and that's part of the incentive they have to make more movies. To wish commercials out of cinemas, TV, and radio just means higher prices for movie tickets, TV service, and radio broadcasting (ala Satellite radio).

Get over yourself.

"Shake 'n' Bake!"

big baby jesus, you're everything that's wrong with the world. you're a blister on the soul of art. you're a herpetic sore on the mouth of an otherwise attractive girl.

that's you.

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