The Out Route

The New York Red Bulls are our favorite soccer team. OK, that's not true. Our favorite soccer teams are whichever ones are NOT playing at this exact moment. But the MLS team, who's second-to-last in the league right now, is making headlines after hiring notorious American national disappointment Bruce Arena. The team hopes Arena could turn around the struggling franchise; anyone who watched even the slighest hint of the World Cup could figure out Arena isn't even capable of turning around a blind-folded participant in "Pin The Tail On The Donkey."

Still, we'll be going to see some games at the new Red Bull Park being built in Harrison, N.J. after the team failed to draw enough people to fill even one section at Giants Stadium. The arena will be within a five minute drive from my house, tickets should be dirt-cheap, and beer should be plentiful -- all the necessities for a great heckling environment. Plus, Zidane might come play too! There's only one thing we love more than advertisements branded into every facet of our daily lives (after all, being brainwashed by constant marketing gives you wiiiiiiiings!), and that's the smell of broken dreams. With Arena and Zidane on the same team, there might be enough of the delicious aroma in the air to deliver us to ecstasy.