The Out Route

Oh, man. Never has a headline alone conveyed the entire comedic weight of the story it's for, until now. Reading the actual story wasn't necessary, because I knew exactly what it would say. I did, anyway, just because I like to giggle.

The detestable, eternally insulting, fat-faced boar/bore (both apply) that drains the life from Around the Horn, Jay Mariotti, has raised the ire of baseball's best interview, Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen. Guillen, apparantly, was angry at some negative columns Mariotti wrote (aren't they all negative?) about the Sox and his handling of the team. Mariotti's covering the Sox instead of his usual team, the Cubs, because Wrigley's residents are, have been, and will continue to be completely inconsequential to the rest of baseball. At a press conference in front of reporters before a game with the Cards, Guillen broke this one out: "What a piece of shit he is, fucking fag." SLAM! IN YOUR FACE MARIOTTI!

Guillen explained himself a little bit, discussing how a "fag," in Venezuela, is about someone's lack of courage, not sexuality. The article goes on to explain, with more comic gold:

He also said that he has gay friends, goes to WNBA games, went to the Madonna concert and plans to attend the Gay Games in Chicago. 'I called that of this man [Mariotti]," [Guillen] said. 'I'm not trying to hurt anybody [else].

Whatever. Guillen owes no apologies. If you're offended by something someone you don't know called someone else you don't know, you'd probably be called a fag in Venezuela. Lighten up, America. Or go to your child's high school, where you'll hear "fag" more in 10 minutes than probably ever in your life. Fact is, Jay Mariotti deserves no respect, because he respects no one. He takes this brutish tone in his columns because he's safe behind his computer, but he's been accused (on more than one occasion), of not applying that same bravery when he's face to face with his subjects.

This isn't the first beef Mariotti's started, either. Check out his Wiki page, which lists numerable enemies, including Tony Kornheiser, Woody Paige, Jerry Reinsdorf, and White Sox TV announcer Ken Harrelson. And that doesn't even mention his other White Sox nemesis, A.J. Pierzynski.

For more anti-Marrioti literature, be sure to check out the WONDERFUL work done by the crew at Jay the Joke. They're championing a truly noble cause.