The Out Route

For awhile, Sam Cassell held one of the NBA's most well-known awards. Not MVP. Not 6th Man of the Year. Nope, he's held the NBA's Ugliest Man Award. This used to be a highly-debated point when I was in college. We all agreed that Cassell was one of the ugliest guys in the pros. Sure, Jason Kidd's no looker, and I genuinely thought he was white the first year I watched NBA basketball, but he's not as bad as Cassell. Cassell looks like he walked off a spaceship years ago having traveled from a distant planet.

I'm sure Cassell isn't proud of the award. In fact, he probably doesn't think about it and if he did, then he'd just take a bath in money and get over it quickly. But now his money baths will be even more enjoyable because there's gonna be a new boy -- girl? -- in town to take the title. And that's Joakim Noah.

Noah is one ugly dude. I can't imagine anyone disagreeing with me there. And this dude is declaring for the NBA draft along with the other three that made up the core of Florida's back-to-back championship teams. He's half-girl and half-man, right out of Greek mythology. Even worse, the poor kid's mom was a model and Miss Sweden. Unfortunately, he got his father's looks but still has the feminine features of his mom. Not that he really cares. I'm sure he's been with more girls in his three years at Florida than I'll ever be with.

Noah will no doubt be the ugliest guy in the league. I can look at Cassell, but staring at Noah for too long is like staring at the sun. It just hurts. Nonetheless, Noah is a good player and a funny, personable guy. He'll be good for whichever team drafts him. Just don't watch the games in HD.