The Out Route

We've got a new contributor here; he goes by the name of RP. Whenever it strikes his fancy, he'll be contributing his thoughts on just about everything. He sleeps all day and writes all night between episodes of The West Wing.

Because of my penchant for underdeveloped girls with an overdeveloped sense of self-worth, I often find myself drawn towards the world of competitive gymnastics. In 2004, for the first time in an amount of years that who cares, Carly Patterson, from Houston, won the All-Around Gold Medal. This was a big deal because it's still sort of important to stick it to the USSR, even though they're not doing so well these days.

In the June/July issue of Teen People (I don't have to explain myself to you), Carly gives us a way to become underdeveloped in 20 minutes! If you want the body of a gymnast, Patterson explains, you have to do sit-ups. Then, also, you should ride a bike. Push-ups are a plus. The rest of the exercises she gives are lunges, bends, and something with stairs. She doesn't give the exercises a time allotment, and so it's sort of vague how important each exercise is - but if you want to fit it all in in twenty minutes, my guess is one of each. In a cruel twist, Carly looks as if she's growing out of her gymnast body and into the body of a girl who enjoys eating a bit too much.

Carly Patterson will not be competing in the 2008 olympics.