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Be Safe: Keep a Distance from Kerry Wood

Kerry Wood is to getting injured as the Kennedys are to dying. There's an SAT analogy for you.

Cubs pitcher Kerry Wood hasn't pitched a full season since the Steve Bartman season in 2003. It's a shame too because he's damn good when he's at full health. In the three years since 2003, he's been constantly sidelined by shoulder and tricep injuries. Now, Mr. Injury himself slipped while getting out of a hot tub and landed on his chest and stomach. You would think he would have tried to break his fall, but the fact that those instincts didn't kick in is actually a good thing. If he put his arm out to break the fall, it probably would have broken in four places.

This will only set his pitching schedule back a few days.

This guy doesn't only seem injury-prone. He seems like a klutz too. I've gotten out of my friend's hot tub many many times, and I've probably been drunker than Wood was while doing so. Nonetheless, I've never take a spill. So I would like to warn all of you that if you stay too close to Kerry Wood, there could be perceived danger. There's always a chance that when he falls next, he could fall on you. OK, so it was only one time that he fell, but he's been injured so much, it looks like he's just looking for new ways to do so.

So if you're chilling in Chicago, see Kerry Wood, and want to ask for an autograph, just be careful. There's always a slight chance that he can knock you over when he's flailing about because he accidentally stabbed himself in the eye with the pen he's signing your autograph with.