« Beware of the Bulls (and Ben Wallace) | Main | Thinking Outside The Box Score, 7/04/06 »

The Biggest Frat Party Ever

OK -- so a bunch of us had planned to kick off our July 4th weekend with a trip to the Bronx Friday night to see the Mets and Yanks determine which borough smells less (we always sided with Queens, but whatever). Except, our trip didn't work exactly as planned.


We left at around 5PM for a 7PM start, which was a brilliant decision on our part because 5PM is the perfect time to hit the highway, especially on the Friday of a big holiday weekend. Score: Logic - 1, Us - 0.

Of course, with the glaring heat and being stuck in the parking lot known as the New Jersey Turnpike, we had the AC running on full power, not realizing that our chosen vehicle had an antifreeze leak that was fixing to fry the engine. Despite knowing the car is overheating, we decide to continue on into the George Washington Bridge because, hey, if we can get out of the bridge Yankee Stadium is only five minutes away and the game starts in 15. We made it approximately five feet onto the bridge, middle lane nonetheless, before the car just upped and decided, "If you think I'm going one more mile like this, you're fucking nuts." We were stuck. Logic - 2, Us - 0.

Luckily, the fine people of NY Bridges and Tunnels decided to have cameras installed in the GWB with immediate roadside service for this exactly reason. Of course, by immediate we mean 15 minutes, which was just enough time to get screamed at by every disgruntled driver on the road forced to move around us. Help arrived in the form of a big truck with bumpers on the front, which proceeded to push us through the bridge, dropping us off into Washington Heights to fend for ourselves. This is where fate came in.

While sitting on the hood of the entropy-mobile, we came across a man who we hence refer to as "El MacGyvro." This kind sir ran to the store for us, got lots and lots of water, and helped us out with total philanthropy. When he discovered the leak, he had the perfect solution -- two eggs. That's right. Two eggs. He cracked each and poured them down into the radiator valve with the leak to seal it. I wouldn't have believed it with my own eyes, but within seconds the car was done eschewing its green seminal fluid. We were off!

By the time we fight through some traffic, get to the Stadium and up to our section, we're obviously hungry and in need of a restroom. But we've also already missed four innings and just want to sit down and catch some baseball. We didn't have nearly enough time to make a decision, as we were interrupted mid-thought by the Bronx groundscrew, who were pulling the tarp out. Great. We're now stuck in the corridor of the upper level of Yankee Stadium, with all of the Sopranos wannabes in Mets and Yankees jerseys yelling inexplicably horrible things with kids well within earshot. Eventually, play resumed and we were able to get better seats than we'd originally had (here's to you, casual fans who reads a book during the game!). By the way, the Yankees won the game 2-0, with five pitchers combining for a one-hitter. But that was neither here nor there. The night wound up being about everything BUT baseball, and it was still one of the most fun I've had in years.